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Top Ten Things New Moms Don't Know You Can Do With a Baby

BabyCenter, you are remiss again!  You have not advised moms of the following activities that can be done while at home with a baby.

1- Watch Real Housewives and other quality TV. You are going to have to turn off your own shows as soon as the kids can repeat words, so soak up your last months of freedom. Baby doesn't care. Baby will think it's funny when Teresa throws the table over.
http://www.nj.com/entertainment/real-housewives-new-jersey/index.ssf/2009/06/what_did_teresa_guidice_say_in.html

2- Talk about whatever you want on the phone.  If you are lucky enough to have any single friends to vicariously live through, ask them in detail about their party hard lifestyles.  Baby doesn't care.  Baby is busy eating his own feet.

3- Get a manicure.  Baby doesn't care.  Baby is in the stroller and the fumes help him sleep.

4- Go to the movies.  Baby doesn't care.  He is a newborn and all he does is nurse.  He can just as easily nurse during.... oh shoot, I don't have a newborn anymore so I don't actually know any names of current movies.

5- Let him eat dirt.  Baby doesn't care, and will grow up without immune problems.

6- In the car, listen to the hip hop Sirius station. Same idea as trashy TV.  Baby likes it more than Baby Einstein lullabies and will grow up with rhythm.

7- Go on the internet for extended periods of time and blog.  Baby doesn't care.  Baby is learning to interpret his sensory input.  (Also known as splashing in the water from the cup he knocked onto the floor.)

8- Give them food you haven't cut up into tiny pieces. Baby doesn't care.  Baby has a gag reflex.

9- Not schedule playdates.  Baby doesn't care.  Baby mostly tries to poke other babies' eyes out.

10- Be confident.  Baby doesn't care if you are doing everything the parenting books tell you to do.  Baby thinks you are the best mom anyway.


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