Quoth the Squirrel, Nevermore

Fear me

http://easterngraysquirrel.deviantart.com/art/Squirrel-127-The-Game-Part-3-of-5-423165842

With all due respect to Edgar Allan Poe. I don't see any ravens around here, so if some creature was going to deliver me a terrifying message from the netherworld, it would likely be a squirrel. The Squirrel Once upon a naptime dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious website filled with mommy lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my front door. `'Tis the UPS guy,' I muttered, 'tapping at my front door - Only this, and nothing more.' Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, As my husband was traveling for work, my sanity was in pieces on the floor. But a sitter was coming soon, giving me a break in the afternoon And the minute she appeared I planned to run right out my door A rare and radiant sitter whom the angels name Lenore - Nameless here for evermore. And the polyester sad uncertain rustling of each Target curtain Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating `'Tis the UPS guy entreating entrance at my front door - Or possibly the FedEx guy entreating entrance at my front door; - Amazon and nothing more,' Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, 'Sir,' said I, 'or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my front door, Did you not see the baby asleep sign?' - here I opened wide the door; - My overgrown shrubs, and nothing more. Into those bushes deep, long I stood there half asleep, Hallucinating due to fatigue?  It had certainly happened before; Nobody seemed to be around, but I heard from near the ground Some rustling and then suddenly the whispered word, 'Lenore!' 'What?' I whispered, and again the voice murmured the word, 'Lenore!' Merely this and nothing more. Back into the house turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. 'Surely,' said I, `surely what I hear is the Amazon box must be here Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore - Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; - 'Tis UPS and nothing more!' Open here I flung the window, and then, with his paws akimbo, In there stepped a stately squirrel of the normal furry type Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord or lady, perched beside my Diaper Genie- Perched upon a sleeve of diapers just beside my Diaper Genie- Perched, and sat, and nothing more. Then this squirrel began beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the fuzzy face it bore, 'Though you are quite brown and furry,' I said, 'art sure don't seem in a hurry Like the usual squirrels that are endearing- Can you tell me why you're leering?' Quoth the squirrel, 'Nevermore.' I marvelled but wasn't fazed, as I hadn't slept in days And nothing fazes the mother of three children under four. But I could not help but noting that it's rare to get a rodent Sitting on the Diaper Genie in the playroom on the floor- Just sitting there and chilling by the toy pile on the floor, And saying 'Nevermore.' But the squirrel sitting lonely on the changing table, spoke only, That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing further did he share - and I started to get scared- And I scarcely more than muttered `Soon the sitter will be here At 4 o'clock she will come so I don't lose my mind as I fear.' Then the squirrel said, 'Nevermore.' Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, 'Doubtless,' said I, 'what it's stating has nothing to do with how I'm waiting For the sitter who promised she would soon be arriving at my door The texts were clear as a bell and she'll be coming to my door She seemed reliable to the core!' The squirrel murmured, 'Nevermore.' 'Now, squirrel,' I entreated, 'The sitter's sorely needed Because I have to get my hair done and feel like a person once more Although my children are adorable, their behavior is deplorable And this sitter seemed more reliable than the other ones of yore.' Still, the squirrel said, 'Nevermore.' Then I started to getting panicky and the squirrel laughed manically And his fiery eyes now burned into my lactating bosom's core; And I sat there getting madder hearing my children's pitter patter Oh for God's sake they had awoken. Where was the sitter?  Was she joking? The squirrel whispered, 'Nevermore.' Then, methought, the air grew chilly; I tried to think, 'I'm being silly! How could this squirrel know if the sitter wouldn't show up anymore?' 'Wretch,' I cried, 'you know so little!  This is not some kind of riddle We agreed she was going to show up on Wednesday just a little after four! I really felt I trusted this babysitter named Lenore!' Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore.' 'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of doom!  Why are you spouting all this gloom? What do you mean in telling me she's going to no-show at four? Desolate yet trying my best, I have kept it together with no rest And now I was delighted just to go and get highlighted Is there - is there a shot she will show up? - tell me - tell me, I implore!' Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore.' `Prophet!' said I, 'thing of horror! - tell me, what about tomorrow- By that Heaven that bends above us - by the naptime we all adore- Will she leave a message and cry and say that her car battery had died And then I can reschedule with this sitter whom the angels name Lenore - With this CPR certified sitter, whom the angels name Lenore?' Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore.' 'Be that word our sign of parting, demon! I shrieked upstarting - 'Get thee back into the unmowed grass and trees outside my home! Leave no rabies as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! - just scurry out my door! Stop thy paws from ripping out my heart, and scurry out my door!' Quoth the squirrel, 'Nevermore.' And the squirrel, never moving, still is sitting, still is grooving On the stupid Diaper Genie just inside my own front door; And the sitter never came, never texted, really lame And my roots stayed just as gray as heathered clouds upon the moor Now my children have a pet, and I'm not dead from exhaustion yet, But not getting a backup sitter? Nevermore!