Parenting Haikus, By Stage- Originally published as guest post on MommyTries.com!

In trying to "develop a unique voice for my blog," I discovered that I am really good (read: fast) at writing haikus. If you like my haikus, comment and I will start delivering more haikus. I am nothing if not responsive to my loyal and growing readership. Without further adu (ha ha! I've been up since 4:30am cut me some slack), here are my....

Parenting Haikus, by Stage

Newborn:

Early exposure to computer linked to higher IQ, according to no literature I could find

Peeing while breastfeeding.

Every new mom has done this

It's multi-tasking.

Crawler:

Just getting covered in dust motes at my sister's dress rehearsal

Across the playground,

See him eat mulch. Don't judge me,

Mom of just one kid.

Toddler:

Reason? With me?

Are you friend or foe?

Who knows what you will do next.

I am terrified.

Preschooler:

You can pump your legs!

Swinging you no longer feels

Like I'm Sisyphus.

I'm eating the raspberries off the bush before they are ripe! Praise me!

School Aged:

Two years in advance,

Already I am dreading

The dioramas.

Teenager:

If you can hide things

As adeptly as I did

I will not worry.

College Aged Child:

You better be smart.

There is no way I can pay

For all three of you.

Adult Child:

Come on, I'm pretty cute

I already know

I'll miss your childhood stages

(except you, toddler).

Grandchild:

I will babysit

But will try not to intrude.

So I like to think.

Comments

Precious Things My Kid Says and My Usually Unspoken Retorts

I never get to do anything I want except face painting and carnivals Kids say the darnedest things! Good thing they sleep for 12 hours a day or the cuteness would overwhelm me and I would have to shoot myself. Here are some tender words my preschooler serenades me with in her melodious little voice. 1- I'm not yours. I'm Daddy's! Answer: Then go ask him to wipe you. 2- Why are you wearing that? Answer: Because I lost my fashion sense when I pushed you out of my uterus. 3- Why did you do that with your face? Answer: Because I am exerting all my willpower not to throw you out of this moving car. 4- The other mothers tell the teachers what they did on the weekend. Why don't you? Answer: Preschool pickup sucks enough without trying to add meaningless small talk to the mix. 5- I am the only one who doesn't go to Disney. Answer: And I am the only mother with a brain. 6- Why can't we have a playdate with Madison? Answer: I hate Madison's mommy because she is too...

Annapolis Smokehouse, a Restaurant That Won't Kick Out My Kids and The Food is Great Too!

I am starting a new blog section called Restaurant Reviews: Places That Won't Kick Out My Kids. I do not get paid or get free food for my review, although there is always a first time. If you would like to be featured in this space, think long and hard first because this is who is coming: Keep in mind you can't hear the noise in this picture Anyway, Annapolis Smokehouse is located at 107 Hillsmere Drive in Annapolis which doesn't matter until I tell you it is across the street from Quiet Waters Park, aka the park with the awesome playground. Any restaurant located near a park is a good bet for families with small kids, because then you can threaten them with not going to the playground if they don't behave. Ambience: Annapolis Smokehouse gave my kids crayons and activity placemats and allowed us to sit outside as we requested, so as not to disturb any people who went to dinner thinking they would be able to converse like human beings. Remember those...

Life Before and After Kids, or Something Not to Read if You Were Having a Good Day

Oh those salad days (literally in that you had time to order and eat a salad) when you were married without children! As nobody says aloud, childlessness is wasted on the childless. Here are a few distinctions between those with kids and without, in various domains of daily life. Special Occasions: Before Kids: Prior to children, a three day surprise trip to a beach was a good anniversary present. Possibly add some thoughtful little gift into the mix like a treasured book, CD, or even a piece of jewelry. As you slowly ate a delicious dinner at an amazing restaurant you found through meticulous online research, you gazed into each other's eyes. Passionate love making followed. After Kids: You would like your husband, for once, to be the one to text the sitter so that you can go out for two hours, including the drive, to a restaurant you don't even like but is near to the house. Of course he doesn't have the sitter's number (despite your n...

Predol

Search This Blog